I’m going to get it right out there. I was a fat kid.
And I loved birthdays, because birthdays meant cake. Now I’m not the big guy that I once was anymore, but I still like cake. And today it felt like cake had been promised to me, and then stolen from under my nose.
All week we have endured rain and wind and flat seas with a smile (I write it like it was a hardship, when actually it just meant that it was warm and wet here, instead of just warm). We smiled because we knew that there was a big swell coming today, and that when we dropped into Pipe or Sunset or somewhere solid and grinding, it would all be worth it.
But then, as the swell got closer, it started downgrading. It went from 3 metres to 2.5 to 2 and then even smaller. The reports that were calling for a peak on Friday started yelping at us to get out there now, and to make hay while the sun was shining. They changed their tune and told of rain and wind… not the hot, glassy, greasy conditions that they had been promising last Monday
They stole my cake.
Despite the revised forecasts, the swell still didn’t materialise - even though I demonstrated exceptional commitment to the promised waves by taking my 6’8” out at 3 foot Rocky Point at 9AM, in anticipation of the swell’s alleged 12’o’clock arrival. But instead of inspiring the swell to finally get here, it had the interesting effect of just making me look like an over-gunned dork.
Not ideal.
Still, we surfed for around 8 hours today, and in that time were privileged enough to share Rocky Rights with Jordy Smith, Timmy Reyes, Kahea Hart, Josh Kerr, Bede Durbidge, Peter Mel and about 45 other WQS surfers from all over the world.
Basically, me and my 6’8” found ourselves in the middle of Pro-Land for the day. While a crew of exceptional surfers blazed in the water, on land an arsenal of 600mm lenses fired off frame after frame at 10 frames per second while women in dental floss bikini’s lined up on the shore to eye the pro surfer man-candy, ooh-ing and ah-ing at their surfing prowess.
In Pro-Land anything is possible, even things you struggle to visualise. Aerial flips, upside down turns, functional aerials over sections and switch foot barrels are easy, and people who seem to call set waves to them are the norm. In Pro-Land, the unmakeable not only becomes makeable, it looks like it requires no effort. In Pro-Land, turns you don’t make become magazine covers, all your clothes are free and the guy always gets the girl.
Sadly, in Pro-Land, over-gunned dorks on 6’8”s get dropped in on quite a lot too. Even if they sit outside and get the biggest wave of the day. I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t have your cake, and eat it. Even in Pro-Land.
